The DL on Khmer Weddings

On Sunday, I went to a wedding and I realized that I haven’t really explained what it is like to be an American at a Khmer wedding, so I will try my best to give you a play by play.  Although all weddings are different, we will use this one as an example of how things are run.

But first, I had a meeting last week with my coteacher and school director to discuss how I decided not to teach two of my classes anymore (11B and 11C).  While there are many students that I really like in those classes, as a whole (70 students), it is very clear that they don’t want to learn English with me.  There are a few reasons that I can think of- many think that they are really good at English, some don’t like the book but most think that taking private classes is important for their grades and because they may be more interested in other subjects, such as math and science.  I am not upset or angry at all, quite the opposite, I think that those students that want to learn with me still can, just not in the formal classroom setting, which is actually where we get more accomplished.  There are 4,000 other students at my school, I need to give the ones who want to learn English a chance because I gave 11B and 11C a chance and it didn’t really work out.  I am still teaching 11D and 10Q and those classes are going really well.  The kids are really improving.  I also have more time to spend in the library, which means those kids who want me to teach them can find me.  There have already been a lot of kids who have approached me and asked for more help.  I decided to clean up the storage room connected to the library to have a place where the English students can come to study with me.  It is really gross in there and I spent one afternoon sweeping and dusting and it is still a work in progress, but it serves it’s purpose, which is to have a place where the students and I can study.  We started a new project during our meeting last week, which is a pen pal program with my friend, John, who is a teacher in Chicago.  Some students have already finished their letters and they are SO excited to be a part of this.  They all wrote about their families, friends and their country.  They really took the role of talking about Cambodia seriously and did such a great job explaining our school and province and their country.  I’m so proud of them and I cannot wait until they get their letters back.  With the opening in my schedule, I was able to add another afternoon on for the English Club at the UME, which makes me happy because they are really intelligent students and we have a good time.  I am now working there about 6 hours a week and it’s really enjoyable. The students in the club were all very happy when I told them that I can work another afternoon with them and I think working with them is really beneficial.

Well, after my coteacher made the announcement, it was really clear that 11C didn’t care, but a group of 5 students from 11B pleaded with me to come back.  I refused because I have tried to talk to them about their behavior in class, but they didn’t change last time.  They all apologized and said that it would be better this time.  I felt really bad about it, but my decision was final and I have to stick to my word.  I can’t cave and go back, as much as I like those kids.  The unfortunate part is that while I have time to study, they all are so busy.  Between regular class and private classes (both held at the school) they also go to private schools to learn “part-time”.  It’s really different because the students are always in a classroom but hardly ever study on their own.    

Ok, so weddings.  Here we go----

Eating the 3rd course.  The initiator is on the far left and the man is from PP and has a daughter in San Francisco.

Huck told me on Friday night that there was a wedding on Saturday and he said that the family really wanted me to go.  I said that I was really sorry, but I had been sick all week and had English Club, so I declined the invitation.  When I came home yesterday after my English Club meeting, there were a bunch of people there. Turns out they are family from PP and after dinner we all chit chatted.  They are really nice and one of the men has a daughter who is studying in San Francisco and was so proud of her.  He has been to America 6 times and was glowing when he talked about her and how she is coming home this summer.  They asked me to come to the wedding and I was really looking forward to a day of rest and initially denied it, again.  I could tell that my host mom felt kind of bad (I realized why later) and I reconsidered.  When I thought about it, I realized how silly I was actually being.  Why not go?  What else am I going to do?  Sleep?  I can sleep when I finish being a Peace Corps Volunteer.  This is why I came here! So, I decided to go.  They told me that we would leave from anywhere between 9-10 so I set my alarm for 7 and said my “rea-try sua-sa-dye” (goodnight) and went to my room.  I woke up on time, made my coffee and started to get ready.  I don’t have traditional wedding clothes, so I just wore some teacher clothes.  I realized that I have been in uniform my whole life and living in Cambodia is no exception.  I simply traded my SHU pinstripes for a sampot and blouse.  I did my make up a little more flashy than usual because weddings are special occasions (aka more mascara and more blush).  I texted Keiko and told her that I have never worn so much blush in my life, so thanks Maura for that Christmas present, it has really come in handy.  I was all set to go at 9 and heard everyone eating, so I knew that it would be time to go soon.  Well, 9 turned into 9:30.  I walked into the kitchen to find Huck not showered and eating.  He said that we would leave around 10.  I went back into my room and watched “Six Feet Under” and waited for the knock on the door.  It finally came at 10:45.  We all packed into a car (as always, it was packed, 13 people in an 8 passenger van) and we took off for the wedding.  We pulled up and I realized that I was at their engagement party like 3 weeks ago.  In Cambodia, engagements usually last a few months, but sometimes they last a few weeks.  Most people want to get married before it gets too hot and no one wants to get married during the rainy season, so it was a rushed engagement.  I felt a little more comfortable knowing that they knew who I was and why I’m here.  It didn’t stop the stares though.  So, the families of both the bride and groom are at the entrance and everyone greets both sets of parents and the bride and groom by the traditional way, which is to fold your hands in front of your mouth and say “jim riap sua” and bow while you are saying that.  Weddings are a two day affair, so this was day two (I missed day 1 on Saturday) and it usually takes place at the house of the bride.  They set up huge tents and blast music so everyone knows.  You know when there is a wedding, there is no question.  So, we sat down and everyone had a cup in front of them with a napkin inside and there is what looks like a gift bag with bowls and spoons.  We spent about 5 minutes using napkins to clean our glasses, spoons and bowls. This is customary in Cambodia; I do this at the place where I eat lunch everyday with my spoon and fork.  Eating is done based upon arrival, so we were just starting our first course when the first table was just finishing.  The caterers brought out the first course, which was fried spring rolls, nuts, papaya salad and some other stuff that I have no idea what it was.  After we finished that course, they cleared that and brought out the second course, which was a spicy beef salad.  It was delicious, but as always, I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to be rude and take too much, but everyone always gets concerned that I’m wasn’t eating.  I also don’t really know the “when to use chopsticks and when to use a spoon” rule, because we have both and for some things you use chopsticks and for some things, you use a spoon.  For instance, it was acceptable to use my spoon to pick up the nuts, but not acceptable to use it for the beef salad.  I usually just sit back and try to take up the least amount of space possible and just hope that my host mom or host brother will take care of me, which always happens.  Every table has a drink initiator.  I don’t know if this is a custom, but it always happens where there is one person who peer pressures everyone to drink and initiates the drinking.  As a reminder, drinking in Cambodia, especially at ceremonies, entails everyone who is drinking to not sip on their beer on their beer.  Instead, everyone drinks together, which makes sense because everything is so communal here, and drinking is no exception.  The initiator stands up and tells everyone to drink, so we all cheers then drink.  There is even a special way to cheers.  If you are cheersing (not a word) with a person older than you or someone who you respect a lot (as in someone who has a job that is in a position of power), you have to make sure that your glass is lower than theirs when you cheers as a sign of respect.  Also, your hand placement is crucial- either two hands on the glass (most respectful) or one hand on the glass and one hand around your wrist (also very respectful).  If you hold your hand close to your elbow, it is the least respectful and one hand on the glass and one hand at your side shows zero respect (which I did accidentally all through training).  When the initiator was out of her beer, so told me that I have to finish my beer because she was finished (she had just filled me up).  All eyes were on me, so I did what any self-respecting person would do in this situation, I pretended that I couldn’t do it twice then chugged it all and pretended like it was so painful, when of course, it wasn’t.  They all asked me immediately if I was drunk and Huck said to me, “Kealan, it’s no problem.  If you are drunk, you can go home and drink.”  Little do they know what college is like for most people.  Or rather a Pollard family get-together.  She was bombed within two hours.  Ok, so back to the meal.  That course was cleared and they brought out a fish dish that was really good (catfish perhaps?) Again, I used the wrong utensil and felt dumb, but then the man from PP who has a daughter in San Fran took care of me and gave me a huge portion, so that took care of that course.  The last course came out (have you noticed that there hasn’t been any rice yet?!?!) and it was a seafood and chicken soup with rice.  It was a bit spicy and I was full by then.  It has been so hot that it’s so hard to eat, especially hot or spicy food.  After that we were officially done with lunch and the second that we got up from the table, about ten homeless kids swarmed out table and ate what we didn’t.  They go to weddings to collect cans and bottles to recycle and hope to get some food.  One boy actually pushed me out of the way because I wasn’t moving fast enough.  I couldn’t bring myself to take a picture of it because it literally breaks my heart and it’s something that you all don’t want to see.  They are still people and it compromises their value if I were to have taken a picture of them for the sake of showing you- I’m sure you get the point of how heart wrenching it truly is.  These things happen all over- at weddings, at restaurants, outside of bars, etc.  

We sat around for a little while longer and at 2:00 we loaded up the car again after we took a bunch of pictures.  We had 15 people this time and since it was the hottest part of the day, we were all sweating.  On the way to the car, a parent of one of the students from 11B, who is also a host cousin, asked me about how I stopped teaching his daughter, Reaksemey.  I like his daughter a lot, she actually texted me to come back, but I told him they don’t listen to me, so there is no point.  It wasn’t confrontational, but I know that when I was upset with that class last time, Reaksemey’s brothers and sisters told her to make sure that the class behaves because they are lucky to have me as a teacher.  He said that she is “not happy now” and I felt bad about it, but I have to stick to my word.  We also made a stop to get rice because the family from PP likes BB rice better, it’s more delicious, or so they say.  So, we added a 50 pound bag of rice to our van already full of 15 people. 

 The bride and groom.  The bride usually changes outfits at least 5 times during the reception.  My host mother is next to her. 

I am still working with my really loyal students, especially Vida, aka Elvis Pressley.  He tells me the inside scoop at school.  He was so cute the other day because he told me that he wants to have friends that are girls but he is so shy that he can’t.  He has a lot of friends that are boys but they all want to start hanging out with girls.  I asked him if he wants a girlfriend and he said that he is too young and busy, he just wants friends.  So, I told him that no matter how shy he is, the girls are shyer than he is.  He said that he was scared that they would make fun of him because he is a “pagoda kid” (because he lives at the pagoda with the monks) and he is poor.  When I informed him that he talks to the scariest female at the school (me) and when it didn’t work, so clique, but I told him about the quote in America “there are plenty of fish in the sea”.  I told him that if he talks to girls they are mean, you don’t want to be friends with them anyway, so find new ones.  I didn’t really think that would be the case, but I wanted to give him some confidence.  The next day at English Club (which was Saturday), I noticed him working with two girls (two of my favorites, I might add) on translating an article about the earthquake in Chile and I told them once to speak in English then gave it up after I realized how much fun they were having.  It was a small victory for Vida, I was so proud of him.  I also worked out the problem with teaching Reaksemey, the girl who is a member of my family and was upset that I stopped teaching (her dad asked me about it at the wedding.)  We set up a time to learn together, which is Friday from 2:00-4:00.  It is usually just Vida and myself, but when I asked Vida if it is ok if more people come, he said that the was happy to learn with others because he wants to make more friends. He was nervous when I told him that it’s only one girl from 11B, but it will be a good chance for him to make a connection with a student from another class. 

Monday was International Women’s Day so we didn’t have school.  Our event isn’t until March 31^st, so Darlene and I decided to do something productive.  So, like most of our days off, we met up at “The Spot” and had breakfast with one of our favorite families in Battambang.  We rode our bikes into the nearest district (about 4 k) to the orphanage that we visit a lot.  We were coloring with a bunch of the little kids when Sothea, who is an 11^th grader at my school, said that there were Japanese volunteers coming.  They came right after and had a really great activity planned.  They had letters from people in Japan and they gave out the letters (actually more like cards) then had the kids respond, more like just colored.  It was great to see the interaction between the volunteers and the kids and even though it was Women’s Day, men don’t really come to orphanages, so the boys were all ecstatic.  We rode back and ended our day like most days off, at the Sokimex.  However, I have been really sick (maybe the heat is getting to me) so there was no sneaking beer for me. 

It rained for the first time in about three months two nights ago.  And it POURED.  The next day was really cold (maybe 70, which has become very cold for me).  It’s pretty incredible how quickly your body can adjust.  While I tried to play it cool like I wasn’t cold, I was cold.  My students thought that it was funny that I was cold.  Today was a bit hotter, but not too hot.  It was pretty consistently in the high 90s for about two weeks, so this hot spell snap is definitely welcomed, and appreciated. 

 Me and my oldest host sister outside of the wedding.

As for what is on the docket for the next few weeks, I will be busy at site until the beginning of April.  Grade 12 testing will start on March 23^rd, which means that I won’t be teaching until May.  We will be really busy with our International Women’s Day and I hope to continue to teach private classes during the break to stay busy.  As for vacation, it is still unclear whether or not my brother Pat will be able to come (that’s just what happens with stand by travel) but I have planned a trip to Vietnam with my friend Jacqueline regardless.  If Pat is here, that’s awesome.  If not, we will be able to have a trip.  My vacation will start on April 2, which is when I will leave BB for PP.  The next day, I will take a bus to Vietnam and pick Jacqueline up on the way (she lives on the highway connecting Cambodia and Vietnam.  Our trip will last until April 14, which is the start of Khmer New Year, which will be an amazing thing to see.  It is supposed to be a huge deal (clearly, we have a month off of school).  We will be traveling from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi by train, which will take 33 hours from start to finish.  Seems like a long time, but we will be able to see a lot of the country, which is out goal.  Plus it’s cheap.  Northern Vietnam is supposed to be cold right now, which will be so refreshing.  We are going to have a blast and while I am super happy here, a trip to another country will be great.  I want to see as much of the region as possible.  I have already been to Thailand and obviously Cambodia, so this will be my third country in Southeast Asia.  Not bad.