International Women's Day

Because I never miss a cute Chun Liap moment. 

I’m not a big crier.  That’s not to say that I never cry; I do.  It’s just not for the usual things- a commercial will make me tear up but not a sprained ankle.  My teammates used to cry over a bad game, hitting slump, being embarrassed in front of the team, etc.  I never used to cry at that stuff, I would just get mad.  Likewise, when something bad happens here, I don’t cry, I get PISSED.  That may be a character flaw, but it is something that I have noticed about myself.  My friends here cry over many things but I have cried a grand total of 6 times, which in Peace Corps terms is a dry well.  The first time was when I found out that my best friend’s mother passed away, then when I thought a student had leprosy, when my parents were stuck in San Francisco on their way to visit me and their trip was delayed by 3 days, when my host nephew died, when my friend Jessica went back to America and at my International Women’s Day event.  Now, as you can see, I am a rather emotional person when it comes to others.  I don’t think that I am tough or anything, I just don’t cry when I am upset about my own situation, it is usually because I am upset for someone else.  This last one was an eye-opener and to explain, I want to describe the entirety of my International Women’s Day program.

As you probably read before, I was faced with a little sexism in class when my co-teacher made fun of one of my students for entering her essay into the pool to be invited to the program.  After he did that, I chose to bring all 13 girls, even though we were only allowed 10.  I didn’t care because there was clearly a need. 

The way that I see it, before the program, I saw two important victories for women’s rights in Cambodia.  First, was when the university males came forward and said that they want to be incorporated into the women’s day event because women’s rights has an impact on their lives.  The second was when I gave the invitations to the 13 girls that I brought.  Because I said that I would only be able to take 6 grade 10 students and 9 submitted essays, they were nervous.  But when they all received their invitations and showed them off to their friends and classmates, I knew that they felt a little more confidence in themselves. 

The weeks leading up to the event were crazy.  Between getting all of the girls names, training the group leaders, creating and translating documents- we had our hands full.  But all the running around and countless hours of preparation were worth it when the girls arrived.  Philip, another volunteer, was in charge of the boys.  He was incredible and everything ran so smoothly because he told them exactly what to do, with the focus on the girls.  When the students arrived, they went into their small groups (they were all divided on purpose to meet girls from other schools and districts) and immediately made new friends.  Everyone arrived on time and we dove right in.  We started off with a little story called “The World Upside Down” which told of a world where girls were encouraged to stay in school and boys were taught to be shy and gentle.  The boys were taught to be quiet and learn how to cook, clean and care for women from their fathers.  The women were the leaders of countries and were the historians, scientists and leaders of the world.  When a woman was pregnant, her family prayed for a girl, and if the baby was a boy, they were happy, but secretly prayed for the next to be a girl.  Now, this story is pretty whacky, but then Dave, another volunteer, addressed the girls and said that if we reverse the word boy with girl and vice versa, that seems pretty close to the world that we live in.  We don’t wait either world, but keep this story in mind for the rest of the day. 

The next segment included me introducing an on-going exercise called 2 Baskets.  I told the girls to imagine that they were moving from their old house into a new one and they had two baskets- one was a pile of trash to burn or get rid of and one was to bring to the new house.  The exercise was for the girls to write down ideas that they learned and wanted to take with them and ideas that they believed before, but wanted to leave behind.  We prearranged 2 volunteers to read theirs.  Many girls wrote down their ideas throughout the day and there were some awesome ones- girls can make their own decisions, my gender will not determine my occupation, women’s rights don’t only have an impact on women, etc. 

After this, Phanet, Darlene’s fantastic co-teacher, presented on self-esteem.  This is a huge issue with girls in every country.  The difference is that the girls are never really taught how to improve their self-esteem.  Phanet talked about how important it is to value yourself and love yourself.  She told the girls how she studied biology and wanted to teach future teachers about biology, everyone told her that no one would ever marry her and that she should teach high school instead.  She refused and loves her life (and her teacher trainees are much better suited because of that).  She talked about her insecurity with her skin tone because she is dark (Cambodians, like many Asians, want to have light skin and often times put skin bleaching cream on their bodies), she touched on how frequently people called her dark and how it wasn’t beautiful.  She told the girls that her beauty came from within herself, not from what others told her.  The small groups had break out sessions about improving their self-esteem and each group commented on how they need to love themselves first and foremost. 

Three of my students. 

We then put on a skit of a doctor and a farmer.  Both are men.  The farmer goes to the doctor and the doctor asks the farmer some questions about his family.  He asks the farmer about his wife, and if she has a job.  The farmer says, no, she doesn’t, she stays at home.  When the doctor asks the farmer to describe his wife’s typical day, the farmer talks for about 7 minutes about her daily tasks involving, but not restricted to, waking up at 4 am, cooking breakfast, getting water from the well, seeing the children off to school, cleaning the house, working in the fields, selling food in the market, making clothes, doing the laundry, cooking lunch, etc, you get the point.  After this long spiel about her never busy day, the doctor asks the man, “wait, I thought that you said your wife doesn’t work?” to which the farmer says, “yeah, that’s right, she stays at home…”  This was a segway into Navy, our Peace Corps doctor’s presentation.  She told the girls about her upbringing, which is just so inspiring.  She told them how her family was torn about when she was 13 and they were relocated to a different province.  They lost their land and many family members died.  She knew before the Cambodian genocide (Khmer Rouge) that she wanted to be a doctor, and that nothing would stop her.  She had to walk miles to get to school, and then she finally got a bike.  She used to sell vegetables in the market for literally pennies to try to support her studies.  Her teachers were lenient with her because she worked so hard (she often times didn’t have the money to pay the teachers, even when rice and food were accepted as payment).  She never formally studied English but studied on her own.  She bought books and had conversations with herself to practice.  Her mom told her that she was going crazy, but that didn’t stop her.  She continued to study, work and persue her dreams.  She got choked up at one point and many of the girls were crying as well; you could hear a pin drop in there.  She told them about how we must dream and come up with a plan for that dream; dreaming simply isn’t enough.  Taking care of our obligations on the road to our dreams is how we can succeed as women.  Her children then talked about their dreams.  Her daughter, Merica, talked about how she wanted to be a model, singer, but now her dream is to be the first female Prime Minister of Cambodia.  Her son talked about how he wants to play in the NBA, or if that fails, play soccer, and also become a doctor.  He was cute, because he told the girls (keep in mind, he is 13 and is just starting to feel awkward in these situations) that he encourages them to dream, because they can accomplish it, if they dream and work.  Navy’s husband, who is also a doctor and from Battambang province talked about being married to such a strong women and how decisions were made at home, how they communicate and each has input into decisions.  We did a combination break out session and question and answer session- the girls drew their dreams while others asked questions.  And that brought us to lunch.  

Navy

Sony as a lawyer 

We had every lunch order prearranged, so delivering the food to the small groups as a piece of cake.  I attribute that to the summer that I spent working for a catering company.  We had the fish/ chicken thing arranged beforehand, so it was all worked out for us.  That’s how it was at our event.  Lunch didn’t take too long, which was good, because we just dove back into the event.  Cambodians have a break from school and work from 11-1 and spend at lease 30 minutes of that napping, so we knew that we had a small window to get them back on their feet before they got too tired.  We got the girls back into their small groups and did the human knot, which is where each girl crosses her hands and grabs the hand of another girl, creating a confusing mix of hands in the middle and the group has to work together to become a circle again.  They really enjoyed it and I was in one of the groups and it was a blast.  They were all laughing and it boosted their energy, which was exactly what we needed.  We then had the health speaker make her presentation.  She mainly works at the Catholic Church doing workshops on women’s health, so she was perfect for this.  Because Cambodians never have sex ed in school, she was able to talk to the girls about those awkward things that they have perhaps encountered, but are too scared or shy to ask anyone, even mothers and sisters. We kicked all of the males out of the room to give the girls their privacy, which turned out to be very beneficial since the girls asked some very personal questions that they wouldn’t ever had if there were boys in the room. She was a straight-shooter, which is what is needed to make an impact.  She told the girls straight what they needed to know about their bodies and how to care for themselves.  She also talked about reproductive health, which is crucial since these young women are just about marrying age, if they aren’t already.   There was a health advocacy skit, which demonstrated the wrong way to address a doctor.  She then offered suggestions when you go to the doctor.  Theary had to leave right after to go back to Phnom Penh (we brought her out of maternity leave) and Navy took over for the break out session, which were 8 hypothetical questions.  The girls answered as a group, and I was so proud when all 4 of my grade students stood up to answer questions (my grade 10 students were a little more shy).  After completing that portion, we asked the girls to complete a questionnaire and gave them their prize, a notebook and took pictures.  I was talking to my girls when I was suddenly so overcome with emotion that I started to cry.  I brought 13 students that day- 9 grade 10 students who I don’t know so well and 4 grade 12 students who I have been teaching since day one, so I know them very well.  They were in my formal class last year, as well as two years of English Club.  I was telling them how proud of them I am, when I just started crying, obviously tears of joy. When I first met them, they were meek girls, but put that aside for 5 minutes to ask me to teach them extra. Since then, I have had the pleasure of teaching them during my free time, focusing on critical thinking.  Watching them over the course of almost two years, I have seen not only their English skills improve tenfold, but their confidence improve, to the point where there was such a heated discussion between a few of them, so heated that students made comments like “well, I think that you are wrong” and “I really disagree”.  In Cambodian terms, that’s the equivalent of calling someone dumb and their argument even dumber.  The girls just made me so proud because I know how big of a sacrifice they make to come to this stuff and how it’s so against their nature not to stand up and speak their mind.  There aren’t too man chances for a Peace Corps volunteer to see the fruits of his or her labor (if at all), so seeing them there was just overwhelming.  They also just reminded me how much I am really going to miss Cambodia.  There are a few people that really mean a lot to me and it’s going to be really hard to say goodbye, but I take solace in the women that they have grown to be.  It becomes clear very quickly while working in the developing world that progress is hard to make and it takes so long.  It just hit me then and there. 

Human Knot

Theary 

University Students

NYHS students

Bringing it back to my softball days, I gave myself 4 big projects to do in my last 4 months- International Women’s Day, my kickball tournament, my health workshop and finding my grade 12 students scholarships.  One down, three to go.  IWD was very successful and to be honest, really enjoyable.  Last year it was a crazy day and was so stressful, this year, with a year and a half of experience under our belts, we were able to do it right and enjoy the day.  Next is the kickball tournament.  We had our first practice today.  The tournament will take place behind the abandoned train station.  There is a community of squatter families and children that will probably be evicted soon.  The school nearby is trying to offer the children an option to stay out of trouble, so I thought that a kickball tournament would be a good option on their only day off of school, which is Sunday.  I was nervous that kids wouldn’t show up, but that wasn’t an issue.  Each team had about 20 kids that could play, not including their baby brother or sister that their parents made take with them.  Many of the parents came to watch as well.  We will have another practice next Sunday and then the big game is on Sunday, March 27^th, and I am confident that attendance will be sky-high by then.   My coach from Seton Hall donated 20 t-shirts and Darlene asked University of Texas to donated 20 t-shirts, so the game will be UT vs. SHU.  It should be really fun.  The rules are very rudimentary but the reason for the game is to have a community activity, not to find Battambang’s deadliest kickball player.  I chose kickball because all you need is a ball and a bunch of little kids.  We will have a kickball game and other options for younger children (maybe Bozo buckets?)  My grade 12 students were the coaches and they had a blast and got into it.  They are such great role models and these children are so vulnerable that it sends a great message to the community that there are people who still care about their children’s wellbeing. 

After the kickball tournament, we will most likely start our health workshop.  Maybe we can play a little kickball then learn about hand washing.  The health workshop will be in the same community, because they really need it.  These families are living in the vacant box cars, offices and really anywhere providing any shelter.  The children are very dirty because they spend most of their time outside and are really susceptible to diarrhea and other potentially dangerous ailments.  Again, my grade 12 students will be leading this.  This will be great for their resumes and also leads into the last project.  This school offers scholarships, so a few of my students will be able to get scholarships.  I told them that in order to apply for the scholarships, my students must volunteer two hours per week for two months (this is not the case, but I believe that they should give something to this community in exchange).  They are also really enjoying these projects. 

These 3 remaining projects are ones that I am really interested in for obvious reasons- I miss playing sports, the children need instruction in regards to basic hygiene and I want my students to go on to university.  All Peace Corps volunteers agree that they cannot change the country, the change must come from within the country.  We don’t have the means to change the higher ups, but rather the youth that may one day be in that position.  The impact is really small that we actually end up making, but that doesn’t make it any less important.  I am just figuring this out, and right on time, too.    

The Power of Women.

 With the approaching International Women’s Day project, I have been thinking a lot recently about how innate female strength is.  As Americans, we see it all the time in many forms, most notably in famous females, such as Oprah Winfrey, Aung San Suu Kyi, Condoleeza Rice (even though I disagree with her politics) and the list goes on and on.  But the ones that are most impressive are the women who demonstrate these qualities everyday, but never receive an award, recognition or even a thanks sometimes.  I was raised around strong women- my mother, my grandmother, sisters, aunts, friends, teammates, cousins, teachers, etc.  But looking back on my life, there are so many others that get overlooked.  A single mother who studies at night to earn a degree.  Women who defy the odds and take on jobs that are male-dominated, even though they face sexism.  An immigrant who works two jobs and can’t speak English just to give her kids a better life than she had.

Cambodia is a place, like many developing countries, where females do not have the same opportunities, but their strength shines through.  The top students in my classes are girls- they are the hardest working and moreover the bravest, which speaks to their character, since girls are taught to be “sopheap” which manes gentle.  I see women wake up at the crack of dawn and start cooking their food and load up their carts to lug all over town, in the hopes of making a few bucks for working from sunrise to sunset. 

Two very personal examples are right in my family.  The first is my host aunt.  She is called “ma yay” which means that she is the oldest of the grandmothers (in America we typically only refer to our parents’ parents as grandma and grandpa, but here, grandma and grandpa’s siblings are all considered grandma and grandpa too).  She is very well respected because she is the oldest, but I respect her for so much more.  When I first met her, I noticed that she had a face full of history.  Some people wear their emotions right on their face, but I could tell immediately that she had a tough history.  I soon found out that she lost all 5 of her children and her husband during the Khmer Rouge.  Everyone.  It’s very common (90% of all people over the age of 30 lost an immediate family member) but that doesn’t make it any easier.  Because so many people went through such an awful time, who is there to talk about it with?  Cambodians typically keep their burdens on themselves, much of the reason is because of Buddhist practices and accepting one’s fate as karma.  Regardless, although I don’t know the details of their deaths, losing one’s entire family is simply devastating, very few people can understand.  What gives me so much inspiration is that although she has this weight that, she has defied the odds and lived her own life, which is incredibly difficult as an uneducated woman after the country was torn apart for 4 years by genocide.  Without any infrastructure, her younger brother’s family accepted her into the home and she loved her nieces and nephews as her own.  She always seems to be looking out for me (they live in the center of town and I frequently see them and she always checks up on what I’m doing and where I’m going).  This year she turned 79 and keeps plugging on.  She’s very active, I often see her walking too and from the market.  She lives life to the fullest and has a great sense of humor.  She won’t get any awards for her life, but I will never forget her because when I think that times are tough and can’t get through, I’ll remember her and know that I can.

Ma Yay with my host mom at my host mom's birthday

Ma yay at her 79

The other woman who has shown her strength is my oldest host sister, SoKaeng.  Last week, her son passed away.  He was 7 and severely disabled.  He couldn’t walk or speak and her devotion to him was incredible.  He had the mobility of a baby and needed constant supervision.  She runs a business near the market that funds her daughter’s education.  Li Ching, her daughter, is 16 and lives in Phnom Penh.  I came home from school last week and Hun (my host brother formerly known as Huck, more on that later) told me that Chran was in the hospital.  He passed away that night.  Cambodians typically mourn for 7 days (3 of those days are ceremonies and a funeral), but either because he was so little or because of his disability, we spent the next day at the pagoda.  I couldn’t help but notice the similarities in his funeral and the ones that I had been to.  My host mom, host sister and her husband spent the night at the pagoda with Chran’s body after he passed away, which is what my dad and uncles did after my aunt passed away.  During the ceremony at the pagoda, his little body was dressed in his favorite clothes, blessed with incense and water and put into a casket.  He was buried, as the Chinese do, and the family threw dirt onto his grave.  The procession to the gravesite felt the same as the others that I had been in.  There are differences, but everyone seemed to take comfort in the ceremony.  What stood out to me was how incredibly strong my host sister is.  She was taking care of her nieces and nephews when they cried or needed something.  I’m kind of embarrassed to say this, but she was looking out for me as well, as she always does.  At weddings and parties she always seems to pick up on the fact that I feel weird and will give me food (sometimes the good food is on the opposite side of the table and I can’t really move in my wedding clothes).  I found out later that this was her 4^th child that passed away and only one daughter is alive.  The three other children that I didn’t know all had disabilities and some died very young and some survived a few years.  She always seems to put everyone before herself, which is what a mom always does, but even to people who aren’t her children- me topping that list.  Her strength comes from helping people and making them comfortable, which is what some people see as a weakness.  She has really taught me above being selfless for the sake of others.  I count myself very lucky to be one of those people that she looks out for. 

My host sister and her son

As for the program, planning is coming along very well but the countdown is on.  As I write this, we have 8 days until the program.  We’re solidifying the content of the program this weekend and giving it to our counterpart at the university to be translated.  Then comes the tedious stuff- lunch orders, groups, preparing the group leaders, water, room set up- but those things always seem to come together.  It’s been tough because we all have different obligations so coordination is coming down to the wire now.  But I had an experience that reaffirms exactly why we need to be doing this. 

I believe in signs- whether they are divine or not, I believe that they appear and we have to look out for them or else we will miss them.  Some are blaring, some are subtle.  This one was blaring.  Here’s what happened:

Each volunteer can bring 10 high school girls to our event.  I asked my grade 12 English Club girls to come and told my two grade 10 classes that I would chose 6 girls total (3 from each class) based on an essay contest.  I announced it in class and the boys were all incredibly jealous (this is the first time in their lives where they have to take a back seat).  Knowing my students, I had a feeling about who would submit and who wouldn’t, but there were some surprises.  I was so proud of a few timid ones who clearly had worked up the courage to write AND submit the essays.  It may not seem like a big deal to Americans, but it is a really big step for them.  In total, I got 9 essays from both classes which doesn’t seem like a lot, but there are only 30 kids coming to class these days and very few are girls.  Well, this incident happened yesterday during class.  We were finishing up class but had about 10 minutes before the bell and one girl handed a piece of paper to my co-teacher (my students are all really scared of me because I’m strict and really tall to them). I walked over to take it because I assumed that it was for my essay contest but the problem is that I can’t read Khmer and I told the girls that they could write in Khmer to feel more comfortable, and I would have my English Club girls read and translate them, so they would double as judges.  I put my hand out and he said that he was confused about something and I asked if it was for my essay contest and he said that it wasn’t.  So, then I was embarrassed and sat down.  Remember, there are a lot of things that happen in my classroom that I don’t know about, not do I want to.  Teachers hold private classes, sometimes accept money for tests or bribes and other things that I have no power against and my hands are tied, so it’s better not even to know.  He assigned them an essay a few weeks ago, so I assumed that it was another stupid essay that he assigned.  The girl was saying, “No teacher, don’t” and the other kids, especially the boys, were urging him to read it.  So he starts reading and the girl is MORTIFIED and the students, especially the boys, are laughing and hooting.  Then he reads the line “women are the same as men” and I knew that he lied and that she was submitting it for my project.  I was so angry that I walked over to him, grabbed it out of his hands and walked out of the room, saying that class was over.  I probably looked like the meanest person in the world, but I could not believe that was happening in a classroom.  First, that I would run this program and ask for his help to help the girls of his country and province, and he clearly doesn’t support it. Second, that this girl would work up the courage to write her essay and put herself out there, then for a TEACHER (who should be encouraging education and programs such as this) to humiliate a student like this in front of the other students.  I understand why the students were into it- the boys felt slighted that they weren’t invited (that’s the point, it’s a special day only for girls) and the other girls are girls.  I was a high school girl myself and got caught up in things like that.  But he is in a position of power.  I decided on the spot that this would be the best women’s day event Cambodia, no, the world, has ever seen.  I went home and came up with some really great ideas and also decided that I’m not turning away any of the girls that submitted an essay- the last thing that they need is to put themselves out there only to vet rejected.  I’ll pay the extra money myself.  So, I will be bringing 13 girls, as of now.  If more girls submit, they will be invited too. 

My initial reaction was to not teach the next day and yell at him.  But then I realized that this is reaffirmation that this is what needs to be done.  These are the things that are happening in my own classroom, in front of other people and a foreigner.  What’s happening behind closed doors?  It’s easy to be negative and angry.  It’s harder to turn it positive and take action.  I chose the harder route and went to school this morning and took control of the class and taught my section with a smile on my face and really enjoyed the lesson for the first time in a while (teaching has taken it’s toll on me).  The only exchange between my co-teacher and myself was when I told him to teach the grammar section.  After class, I went back home and did a little more work on the program.

I want to be clear on something though- I don’t hate my co-teacher; I’m not even mad at him.  He’s just a representation of gender problems in the developing world.  He is a product of a flawed system and his mindset is one that is very popular all over the world, even in our country.  I know that I vilified him in this blog, but it’s not him, it’s just his backward ideas about gender. How many Americans feel superior to people from other countries?  I know because he has tried to make me feel inferior a few times, but I haven’t let it bother me.  But Cambodian girls are raised in it, I wasn’t.  I hope to do my part in reversing that, because it’s clear that there is a pressing need for it. 

In family news- my host sister is engaged.  I came home yesterday and she was engaged.  She wasn’t when I left for school, but her fiancé came over and they had a short ceremony.  They went to the fortune teller and the date has been set- April 9.  Which could potentially be the hottest day of the year.  April is the hottest month and weddings are so miserable then.  It’s miserable to do just about anything- leave the house, do laundry.  Classes aren’t in session because it’s too hot to teach and learn.  People shower 4 times a day at least then and then immediately start sweating again.  No one is ever dry in April.  Because of this, most volunteers leave Cambodia.  So those two tables that my family was hoping to fill with my volunteer buddies will be sadly vacant; everyone will be in another country, except for me, sweating bullets in a Khmer dress with make-up caked on.  It should be fun though. 

My host brother went to the fortune teller (he goes two times a day to get traditional medical practices for his arthritis) and she told him that he may have more power if he changes his name.  And she suggested changing his name from Huck, the nickname his father gave him after the Chinese word for a small mountain, to Hun, after the Prime Minister, Hun Sen.  It was confusing at first and everyone kept slipping up and calling him Huck, especially the little kids.  But now everyone has made the change, but I feel weird because his new name is the same as the American pet name, hon (short for honey).  So I feel like a creep every time I come home and greet my host brother as “Hi Hun, how are you?” almost like we are a married couple.  They have no idea, but I am getting used to it.  I know that when I am married, Hun will NOT be a pet name used in the relationship. 

Hope all is well back home.  We are quickly approaching the “4 months until I come home” mark, which is exciting.  March is choc-full of programs and teaching.  But after my sister gets married, there will be very little happening besides trying to find scholarships for my grade 12 students.  

Post Chinese New Year.

To my fan base:

Since Chinese New Year, not much has happened.  It was a pretty lazy two weeks.  Classes were canceled for Chinese New Year February 2- 4, then last week were semester one exams.  My coteacher wanted me to monitor this test, aka play the bad guy and stop them from cheating.  I refused to do this for a few reasons.  First, every test that we have, he never does anything while I try to find the offenders and has never once marked a paper or even told me that someone was in fact cheating.  Second, he made the test.  I have no problem monitoring my own test because I know that we have covered literally everything on that test 3 times and that the students are capable of doing very well.  But when I looked at his test, it was way to hard for them and some of the answers didn’t make sense.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because it’s incredibly insulting for me to tell him that the test isn’t good or is too tough, so I had to tell him that Peace Corps doesn’t allow me to sit in for the semester exams, which isn’t the case, but when in doubt, blame a Peace Corps policy.  The next reason is that I don’t know what he is doing behind the scenes- did he give the test to the students already?  This isn’t me being paranoid because both of my co-teachers did that for every test last year.  The last reason is because the semester tests are really important to the students’ grades.  If I come down really hard on them in my class, while every other grade 10 student is cheating and copying, it’s really not fair to my students.  I want them to learn the material on a monthly basis, but these tests determine which class they will be placed in for grade 11.  So, because of all of these reasons, I opted out of the tests.  My co-teacher seemed to be satisfied with my reasoning.  If I have learned anything here, it’s that some battles aren’t meant to be fought, and that was one.  Blaming Peace Corps is a fool-proof excuse because not many people are familiar with the intricate policies and protocol, including most Peace Corps volunteers, so it’s usually a safe bet.  But it’s not a card to be played all the time; it’s a special occasion card. 

As always seems to happen here, a two week lull usually leads up to a month of endless projects.  This weekend really saw the start of my busy streak that will take my right into April.  It’s crunch time for our International Women’s Day because some of the volunteers have to spend time in Phnom Penh for training, so this week will be really crucial to making sure that we get it done.  The last minute running around stuff is old hat now, so that isn’t even stressful.  But on Saturday, a group of us cranked out the budget and schedule, which will make for a very informative event.  The theme for the year is “Strong Women, Strong Cambodia: Balancing Education, Family, Health and Tradition”.  Kind of long, but it basically nails it.  We will have three guest speakers- the first is (hopefully!) Darlene’s co-teacher Phanet (the woman who takes us to the fortune tellers).  She will be talking about self-esteem and how to gain confidence.  She’s an incredible teacher and friend, she supports her family and balances the roles very well.  The second speaker is our doctor for Peace Corps.  She survived Pol Pot and studied in Vietnam and America.  She’s going to talk to the girls about how she really values all aspects of her life and how she created the balance between doctor/wife/mother/daughter.  She’ll be really great for the girls because she is from the countryside and her family was very poor and she is really a self-made woman.  The last speaker has yet to be solidified, but if all goes according to plan, she will make a presentation about feminine health and hygiene and reproductive health.  There are many misconceptions about feminine health because girls are usually too scared or shy to ask about something because they don’t want to seem different or weird.  And it may seem like the girls are too young for reproductive health, but in a country where 25 is considered past marrying age, juniors and seniors in high school are the perfect audience.  We will also put on a skit about health advocacy.  Many people, men and women alike, do not ask enough questions when they go to the health center or a hospital. This skit will demonstrate how typically people just accept what the doctors say and have no idea what it even means.  Then we will show them a woman who asks many questions and leave more informed and in better control of her health or that of her family.  We are all really looking forward to it, but this week will be filled with invitations, meetings, translations and seeking out funding (any ideas are more than welcome!)

I’m starting my Life Plans Club, but I want to change the name to Life Skills.  I met with my contact at the university and expressed that I don’t want to lecture or do something that can only apply to a few students (I have less than 5 months left now!).  So the solution was Life SKILLS Club, which will be a weekly workshop, held in 6 different sessions, which will probably have around 200 participants overall, and we will focus on one skill every week.  The first lesson is on goal setting, how to set them and how to achieve them.  Seems simple, but this lesson usually goes untaught because there aren’t many sports teams and classrooms are much different here.  The other lessons will include: resume writing, resume building, cover letter writing, interviewing and professional skills, basic nutrition and one other topic that I haven’t thought of yet (any suggestions are more than welcome!) 

I am also planning an event for the 50^th anniversary of Peace Corps, but I don’t want to jinx my project proposal, so I will fill you in on that once it’s approved, but it’s good….

Every Peace Corps volunteer has a very different experience, but also seems to learn the same important goals.  One of the best examples I can think of to demonstrate this is the group of students that I work with who went to America.  They are in the beginning stages of launching their Green Club, of which I will be their first member.  They learned the skills to create and carry out a project, and I have the opportunity to not lead them, but rather follow them.  They have an awesome plan and I will be there whenever they need help, but I think that my role will be more of a trainee, which is very humorous to all of us. 

The other thing that I have been able to be a part of is the opposite of a cross cultural exchange.  I am always making an effort to represent America and engage in discussions about Cambodia and America.  It’s one of the most important jobs as a volunteer, I think. I write in this blog to inform my friends and family about this incredible country that I am in.  When I come home, I will continue to spread what I have learned here, but with this blog, I am able to share my stories and insight into Cambodia on a larger scale (I have a fan base in India, Germany and South Korea, who knew!)   But since they have gone to America, I am able to see their interpretation of America as a Cambodia.  It’s incredibly fascinating to hear them inform others about America. 

I was sitting in their presentation this weekend when Reaksemey, a totally pistol, made a few comments that really stuck with me.  The first was that Americans all appreciate honesty.  I have heard them say this before, but then it hit me, we say the exact same thing about Cambodians.  Every single Peace Corps Volunteer has been called fat during her time here.  As an American, this is one of the most honest things that anyone has said to me.  But these students were talking about how Americans want a straight answer, especially when asked about oneself, for example: “why did you do that?” In Cambodia, you would never ask anyone that because they put their reputation on the line.  Maybe that is the case in America, but it’s a saving grace if someone can admit to what they did, but here that is a loss of face.  It’s funny to me how one word can mean something so different to two different countries.  It also puts me in check about making gross generalizations about other countries when a student says “American kids can do anything that they want” or that “Americans don’t respect old people”.  If they stayed with my family during my upbringing, they would probably be singing a much different tune.

The next thing that she said was that during some events, there were things that happened that they didn’t understand.  For me, this happened when I first came here and the bathroom was a hole in the ground and a big water basin.  For them, it was going to the university bathroom and not understanding the automatic sinks, soap dispensers and hand driers.  The difference is clearly superficial, but if there is or isn’t technology, how universal is that embarrassing feeling that you have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.  Raya, the group leader, told me that the first time, he thought that he had to place his feet in a certain way and spent about 5 minutes understanding what was happening. 

The last comment was one that I will never forget.  Reaksemey is wise beyond her years and incredibly mature for her young age of 19 and continues to prove a common perception, that teachers can learn a lot from their students.  Her dad, who had incredible English, asked the group to explain the main cultural differences between America and Cambodia.  There were two fathers there who spoke English, but the other parents couldn’t speak a word and clearly were a little overwhelmed to be sitting in an air-conditioned room with the Embassy, looking at a slideshow while their son or daughter spoke rapid English about a country that they knew very little about.  But Reaksemey’s response was that “we always think that we’re right and we shouldn’t judge other cultures because we think that what they are doing is wrong.” I thought that it was incredibly mature of her not to point out the obvious and vast differences between our cultures, but rather said something that made us all the same- that knee-jerk reaction to think that what the other person is doing doesn’t make sense or is wrong.  She then cited that in America, it’s ok that people shake hands/ touch and speak informally regardless of social status or age.  She said that it was strange at first for her, but then she realized that is just the way that it is, not right, not wrong but rather how people do things. 

I am surprised by the date every time I look at the calendar.  I am getting excited about coming home, but there is plenty to keep me in the zone.  I just like to plan and think ahead.  One thing that has been a major topic of conversation for us has been what people often refer to as the real world aka, a job.  I have already started looking for some jobs and updating me resume, but how can I briefly explain living in Cambodia on a resume.  Good thing I have about 5 months to figure that out.  I have started to make some plans for coming home, which thankfully will be in the summer, not in this wretched winter.  Although no plans are set in stone, mid-July- August will look a little something like this: Chicago, the east coast, job searching and lot and lots of family time.  Until then, it will be lots of teaching and sweating, because it’s officially hot season again.  Good news for my laundry, but bad news for my fan.

Fortune Teller Round #2

This week started with a package from my amazing friends from grade school (yes, we grew up together and still are extremely close, not many people can say that...).  In the package were many inside jokes, as well as Ascension basketball, soccer and volleyball jerseys.  So I took them outside and put them on Chun Lai and Chun Liap.  So now we have two Chargers in Cambodia. 

This week was Chinese New Year, which is the most important holiday in my house.  And, to avoid confusion, although Chinese New Year was from February 3-5, we started to prepare about two weeks ago.  This week, my family (not including me) bought the offerings for the ancestors.  This means anything from food to fake representations of things that the ancestors would need for the afterworld.  This includes, but is not restricted to: fake money (in dollars and yuan), passports, clothes, shoes, credit cards, plane tickets, bank books, razors, alcohol, cell phones, glasses and belts.  When I asked Huck about it, he told me that he had a dream where his dad told him (his dad passed away in 2003) that he doesn’t have much money left.  So, this year, we burnt a lot of fake money.  My friend Lisa, who is another volunteer and came for the festivities, noted on her trip in that she saw someone burning money.  She didn’t realize that the money was fake and assumed that they were really rich and literally had money to burn.

Chinese New Year’s Eve was the big celebration night.  Cooking started early in the morning and the food was presented on a table for the ancestors and in front of the spirit house inside, while my host sisters cooked inside, the men, children and my host mom burned the offerings.  When the ancestors had had their fill, we had a big feast.  Keiko came in to visit, as did Lisa.  The food is always so good and it was a lot of fun.  Everyone napped and Lisa, Keiko and I went into town.  I had a little tire problem- we were riding two people to a bike which was call Khmer style.  Well, my rear tire had a little too much air and popped near the market.  It made a really loud noise, similar to what I image a gunshot sounding like.  It doesn’t help that I am currently watching a lot of the Wire (an HBO show about gangsters in Baltimore and the police officers that try to catch them).  When we came back home, Keiko and I started to prepare our spaghetti for dinner.  We had leftovers from lunch, but I made a huge batch in place of the fried noodles.  There was rice, of course, but Americans and Cambodians alike enjoyed the spaghetti.  I am pretty confident now in cooking Italian food for Cambodians over a wood burning stove.  I can cross that off my list.  Darlene and another volunteer joined us for dinner, so we had a lot of foreigners and Cambodians all together.

Host sister in law making an offering

Host mom and host brother in law enjoying some spaghetti

Keiko watching the dragon competition in China with Lai and Liap (the competition is two people in a dragon costume jumping around)

Chun Lai and Lisa

The offerings being burned

Keiko and Chun Liap

The dinner table

Two number two was similar to the first day at night, but lunch was rather tame because my family went to visit an Angkorian Temple in a nearby district.  But, for dinner, it was a pretty big party.  Although no one knows when my host mother’s birthday is, her daughters decided that Chinese New Year is a good time to celebrate her birthday.  Huck told me that they have only celebrated her birthday once before.  She was so happy to have a day to celebrate her birthday with everyone.  I cannot imagine only celebrating my birthday twice, and she is three times me age.  Because Chun Lai was born on February 14, it was a combined party- Ma and Chun Lai.  Because my host mother is getting older, it is a big deal to turn another year older (if we had a party for Huck, it would just be really weird).  As I have said before, rich children and old people are the only ones who celebrate birthdays, so it was a big day because we had both. 

We sang Happy Birthday for Ma first, then Chun Lai.  It’s really popular in Cambodia to spray silly string and fake snow at the conclusion of the song, for some reason, so that’s what we did.  While we were singing, Ma and Chun Lai were thanking the ancestors and gods and wishing everyone good luck.  We then set up tables for dinner.  I gave Ma her present, which was a jewelry box and Chun Lai money.  Last year for his birthday, I bought him a bunch of toys and was the only idiot there with a present, besides Darlene.  This year I learned my lesson and got some money out of the bank.  It’s tradition to put them in little red envelopes, but I didn’t have any, so I asked Huck for two- one for me and one for Darlene.  I would have felt weird giving my host mom money because I am the only one at the house who gives her money to live there, and I give her money once a month, so I opted for a jewelry box because she doesn’t have one, but she has a lot of jewelry.  It was a fun night, but by the end of the two days of celebration, I was holiday-ed out.  The third day is the day reserved for traveling.  My host mom asked me to go to Pailin, which is the bordering province with Thailand, but I opted out.

Ma's cake

Ma, host sister, her son and Navy, my brother's 

Ma and I in front of the Chinese New Year tree

Fake snow

The reason that I didn’t go to Pailin was because I had set-up another session with a fortune teller, with Darlene and her co-teacher.  This fortune teller was a numerologist and lives very close to my house.  Darlene and I met her co-teacher outside of the numerologist’s house.  I wasn’t quite sure the protocol and hadn’t really prepared much, so I was just flying by the seat of my pants. 

In this compound, there was a big house and a few smaller ones and the numerologist set up inside one of the really small houses, so we all took off our shoes, sat on the grass mats opposite the numerologist, who immediately started chewing his bettle nut and leaves and took out our notebook and pens.  Just like last time, I will try to recreate the conversation, and my thoughts are in italics and all of this was translated by Phanet, Darlene’s co-teacher.

Numerologist: What is your birthday?

Kealan: January 17, 1987. 

N: What is your sign? 

K: Rabbit.

N: What day were you born on?

K: the 17th

N: No, the day of the week.

K: Uh….. I should know this from the family tradition of my Mom telling us about the day that we were born on our birthdays.  Maybe I can figure this out by going backwards. 

*here is the point where I write down the day of the week that my birthday fell on, going backwards.  Anyone who knows me well can attest for how awful I am at math.  I started with “2011- Monday” and tried to work backwards.  I came up with Friday, then I got the idea to use Darlene’s cell phone (I forgot mine at home) and used the calendar “application” on our phones (our phones are from circa 1996) and it said Saturday, January 17, 1987.  I trust a machine over my own math skills, no matter how many times I have dropped this thing.

K: Ok, Saturday, January 17^th, year of the rabbit.

N: Your good fortune started this year, January 2011.  This year and next year will be two good years.  In these two years, you will get a job and get married. 

K: This is the second time that I have heard this.  Pretty much the same as the last fortune teller.

N: In general, you are a good person.  But, you need to consult with your elders before you make a decision and if you follow what they say, you will find what you want. 

K: My parents are going to love this part…

N: Do you have any questions?

K: Yes, I want to know more about these two years.  You can’t just mysteriously say that this year and next will be awesome and not go into details.

N: You will get lots of money.  Darlene has ancestors looking out for her, and you do not. 

K: Oh ok. What?  I have ancestors too! And note to self, ask Phanet what “mein liap” means in Khmer. 

K: I also want to know about this future husband.  Please don’t tell me he is a relative.

N: That will be your choice, but it will happen soon, within two years you will be married.  The best choices for you, as a rabbit, are men born in the year of the ox or year of the rat.

K: Phew! No cousins for me! Note to self, look up years for oxen and rats.

K: Do you see anything else?

N: You will have your own house and when you build it, the house should face northwest and when you sleep, your head should be pointing southeast. 

K: When I build a house? And about children? It still creeps me out talking about my future children, but when I’m told which direction I should sleep, I think all bets are off and it’s ok.

N: You shouldn’t have an odd number of children.  So don’t have 1 child or 3 children, you should have 2 or 4.  Any more questions?

K: What about this job?  This career path?  Will I go back to school or get a job?

N: Don’t worry about the job.  You will get a good job and you will not continue your education.  Don’t worry about the next two years, they will set up the rest of your life, which will be a good life. 

K: Can you tell me about my family?  About my little sister?

N: What is her information?

* after some calculations

K: Saturday, April 22, year of the snake.

N: She has a good future.  She has a better future than you do. 

K: Maura is going to love this. Katie (older sister) and Pat (older brother) already have good fortunes, but Maura and I are the younger ones that are still trying to figure this out.  He doesn’t need to tell me about their good fortunes, because I can see that for myself.

N: She will have an easy life.  But, like you, if she wants a good fortune, she needs to respect your parents.

K: She may have a better future, but she’s in the same boat as I am with the consulting elders thing. What about her health?

N: She will have no accidents and no health problems.  You shouldn’t be concerned about her.  You should be concerned with your own future, not hers.

K: Treated.

K: Ok, back to me.  Do I have any health problems?  Will I be really sick as an old person or will I be active?

N: No big health problems. 

K: Ok, so these two years, why are they so good?  And what happens after these two great years?  50 bad years?

N: No, it doesn’t work that way. It’s nothing bad, but you will be able to create a life for yourself.  While these two years are great, they will continue for the rest of your life.  It’s not like a peak in your life, but more of an increase of fortune that continues on. 

* at this point, I stopped and let Darlene have her turn.  While her fortune was being told, I thought of a few questions. 

K: Can I ask another question?  You said that I don’t have anyone looking out for me, but Darlene does.  Are these ancestors or guardians that are still alive?  And how do I get them to protect me too?  I want a little protection too.

N: You don’t believe in spirits, so therefore they don’t help you.  How can something help you that you don’t believe in or look to for help.  If you start to pray for them, they will help you.  And you cannot just pray every once in a while, or when you think of it and need help, it needs to be everyday, regular praying. 

K: Touché

N: People born on Saturday always have ancestors, we must pray for them and look to them for help.  Also, people born on Saturday tend to get headaches and sore eyes easier than people born on other days. 

K: Thank you teacher.

So, that concluded my second Cambodian fortune teller experience.  He was really laid back and seemed to enjoy doing this.  We found out from Phanet that he has a lot of money and was trained by his father, who also was a numerologist.  He charges a fairly low fee and liked hanging out.  He didn’t really lie to us; if he didn’t know the answer he said so, instead of making something up or guessing. 

Darlene and I then took a trip with Phanet to her farm, about 16k outside of town.  I forgot my camera, but we will be going back because it’s so beautiful.  They have rice paddies, mango trees, banana trees, palm trees, coconut trees and probably a bunch of other trees that I couldn’t identify.  I also asked Phanet about “mein liap” which I thought meant to have make-up because liap is the word to put on make-up, cream, paint or really anything that can be applied to skin, or a wall.  But when I asked her, she said that it means to have things, like material things, such as cars, a house, computers, money, etc.  So what he was saying is that I will have more material wealth, which I hope is the case, because I have a computer that crashes every other day, a phone that pre-dates my college days and a terribly sick ipod. 

All in all, I really enjoy doing these things because it means a lot to Cambodians.  Cambodians tend to get either very into fortune tellers or adamantly don’t believe in them.  I tend to buy into it a little, but this man was really cool, because he kept saying that things were our decision.  Husbands, jobs, children, etc.  He made it clear that the future isn’t determined because I have yet to determine it.  But it is reassuring to hear that I am at the start of the best two years of my life.  I haven’t seen much difference yet.  But I do have a lot to look forward in the next few months.  My 24 years so far have been really great, so these two great years have a lot to live up to. 

The fortune telling journey doesn’t end here, however.  We know of two other fortune tellers that we want to consult before we leave.  Phanet is really into it and is excited to have Americans who are interested in it.  We are also getting better at asking questions and interpreting the interpreters interpretation of the fortune teller’s interpretation (that makes it seem a lot more complicated than it really is…)

Until then, happy year of the rabbit.  As Cambodians say, I wish you good health, good luck and happiness for this year and for the rest of your life.